When your daughter (age 9) gets off the school bus and the first thing she says is, "Dad, can we have a chat when we get home? You know, just the two of us?", you know it's time to square up the parenting hat and get down to business.
It seems student Q had an episode in class the other day. These episodes are usually very loud and can be on the violent side. The class has a code word and when they hear it from the teacher, they know they are to leave the room and go to a designated location. My girl was pretty shaken up by the whole thing today. Scared actually. She even asked me if she could transfer for Ms. So-and-so's class. "Ms. So-and-so doesn't have any autistic kids.", she told me. See, Q is autistic.
So, what is a parent to do? I took the opportunity to explain autism as best I can. I tried to explain that not all autistic kids are like student Q. I went on to name a couple of people she knows well...a neighbors kid, another from her old school with Aspergers Syndrome (part of the autism spectrum as I understand things). She was really, really shocked. Q had left a HUGE impression on her and she thought all autistic kids were violent and loud like him. I did my best to explain how autism affects different people in different ways and that they learn how to react to the world around them in different ways and at different times. The cool thing is, I think she understood what I was talking about. Even cooler, she felt compassion for Q because, as she put it, "it must be hard to not have things "go" the way you think they should.". Man I love my kid.
I am still not certain what my wife and I are going to do about student Q and our daughters classroom arrangement. I think it goes without saying that we will express our concerns to the school staff. Is there a real danger to our girl? I really don't think so. It is not more dangerous or harmful than the bullying that goes on in others classes and other schools. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Please, take the time to post a comment below.
In the mean time, my girl has gained a new understanding of Q. It is a shame this is how that had to happen but I cannot control that. I cannot control her level of empathy for others either but you can be sure I will do what I can to foster it.
Thanks for stopping by.
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Steve, it sounds like you are 2 steps ahead of the game already. I honestly don't think there will be much the school can do because it sounds like they already integrate autistic children into regular glasses, and to do that, it usually is pretty much law. If doctors thought the "Q" was an endangerment, then the law would, or should provide a separate learning enviornment for that child. After all, they have the same rights as the rest of us. It's not their fault they are the way they are. Many moons ago, when my son was in Cub Scouts, I was the Cubmaster. We were approached about having a boy who had Downs Syndrome join our pack. I put it up to the boys and they voted 100% to bring him in. He came, and more came. They did everything they could as far as activities, and the "normal" boys worked side by side to help them do things. If given the chance, kids will adapt to the problem and work to solve it and make it work quicker than adults will. At least that is my experience.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dave. My 9 year old is worried she will get separated from the class during an "evac" and could get hurt. Not sure what to do. Q belongs in this class as much as any other kid. It is a gifted class and for him in a class without other gifted kids would be tragically unfair, to him AND the kids who have not been identified as gifted. Gifted kids can be a PITA when they aren't challenged and stimulated correctly. They (gifted kids) think differently than the rest of us, almost at a different frequency. Both my girls have been identified so trust me on this! Q has also been identified as being gifted...and autistic. Figuring out his "frequency" cannot be an easy thing.
ReplyDeleteSteve, as a mom of a child who has autism, I have to say that I was impressed by how you handled the discussion with your daughter. A little empathy can go a long way, and i love that you helped your daughter see things from the other student's perspective. You are absolutely right that autism affects different people in different ways, and unfortunately sometimes this can result in disruptive and violent outbursts. Although my son is not affected in this way, I know many kids who do exhibit aggressive behaviour either at home or school and it's so difficult for everyone involved. I do know that there are usually triggers for these types of behaviours, and once it is determined what those triggers are, steps can often be taken to help reduce the likelihood and intensity of the outbursts. Ultimately, the school needs to ensure the safety of all students. They obviously have a safety plan in place, with the evacuation protocol, which is good - but it's completely understandable that this can be stressful for your daughter, and for you as a parent. There are several programs in Durham which might be helpful in this situation, if they aren't already involved. For instance, there are people who could come in to the class to do some peer awareness (along the lines of what you talked to your daughter about) as well as support the teacher and school manage the challenging behaviour. Let me know if you think the teacher could use some outside (free)resources, and I can pass along some contact info.
ReplyDeleteKathy, you are a goddess. Thank you for reassuring me on this.
ReplyDeleteQ has a full-time EA at his side through the school day which is essential for him. As I understand things, time and schedule are big triggers for him. He thrives on a ridgid schedule and varying from that, as sometimes happens, is not a good thing.
Thanks for taking the time.
My pleasure, Steve.
ReplyDeleteTransitions and difficulty with changes to routine and schedule are difficult for many kids on the autism spectrum - my son included! As tempting as it is to try to keep things as structured and consistent as possible, it can make the inevitable changes even more upsetting when they do occur. Hopefully the EA can help manage Q's anxiety around time & schedule, as I'm sure this will help reduce the outbursts.
Have a great weekend!